Adelie and Staley's World

Adelie and Staley's World

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Worries

Less than 5 weeks until Peanut's arrival and I'll admit...I'm worried.  Not about the c-section or the hospital stay.  Not about taking care of a newborn or recovering from a surgery.  And only a little of the nervousness is not being sure that everything I want done will be done in time.

I'm worried because I don't know how to divide my time, my energy, my patience between two kids.  I don't want Staley to feel neglected, but I also want to take time to bond with Peanut.  I don't want Staley to miss out on going to do fun things or spending time with friends, but I also don't want to disregard Peanut's need for peace and quiet and a predictable routine.  I want to spend lots of quality time doing all the things I love to do with Staley, but I don't want to neglect Peanut.  And honestly, will I be able to love two children as fiercely as I do one?

I'm worried that Peanut won't be a good sleeper.  I'm worried that Peanut won't be a good eater or will be really fussy or will be born with any number of medical or genetic problems that I'm not prepared for.  I'm worried that, with my divided attention, I won't be as vigilant about the safety of my children and something might happen.  I'm worried that I will feel exhausted and stretched and haggard and worn, taking away from experiencing the joy in all the little moments that I cherish so much. 

I know that I will love my children as much as humanly possible.  I know that they will love each other.  I know that there is nothing better than growing up with siblings as friends.  I know that I have an amazing support system who will help me when I need it.  I know that millions of people parent 2, 3, 4...even 19 kids on a daily basis.  And that eases my mind a little.  But I'm still worried.  I guess my worry all boils down to one simple fear...I'm scared that I won't be the mom I want to be.

5 comments:

  1. Staley had something that Peanut won't have--your undivided attention, but both Staley and Peanut will have something that Staley didn't have before--a sibling. I loved growing up with Cathy. LOVED growing up with Cathy. I can't imagine what being alone would have been like. Not nearly as rich, or fun, an experience. (ok. Jan and Sandi too. :-) But Cathy and I are closer in age.)

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  2. I thought the same thing when Emma was born. I thought I would never be able to love another child as much as kate.....but.....something happens when another baby is born. A mom's heart grows bigger or something. I don't know how it works for sure but I felt love for both my girls the same.....Ellen, you will be fine.....

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  3. You are over thinking things! You will definitely feel the difference from 1 to 2--like you won't be napping when the baby does and the grocery store is a whole new challenge. But right now you are like super awesome mom. So even if you are just super mom or just awesome mom, you'll still be way ahead of some of the others! Honestly, it will be good for Staley in the long run to not get all the attention. It will probably be a tough year or so but it's all worth it! I don't remember Mya's first 2 years! Really!! But we made it through. And so will you! :)

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  4. Even if with two kids you become half the mom you are now (which obviously is not going to happen), you will still be a better mom than 90% of the moms out there. :)

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  5. Hi Ellen! I've been wanting to comment on this post for awhile. First, you will be as wonderful as a mom of two as you are as a mom of just Staley. Second, you will love Peanut as much as you love Staley, but not the same (if that makes sense). And, finallyI think you are wise to think about these fears ahead of time. Adjusting to two kids was hard for me. I'm not sure if I didn't think about the reality ahead of time, or if I didn't seek enough advice from others. It was just plain hard and it caught be by surprise that it was so tricky. I remember wondering if I would ever get the hang of "juggling" the two kids, their needs, and all the responsibilities, but eventually I got it and now I can't remember life with just Kaden. Nor can I imagine who Kaden would have been without a sister to love on and learn with. I guess what I'm saying is "Way to go!" for looking at your fears head on. I also want to encourage you that the same Loving Father and Sovereign Lord will be in you and with you as you parent two cuties. You are privileged! I'll be here cheering you on!

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