Last fall I booked our Disney trip. I researched and decided on a new resort. In the midst of our spring quarantine, I still woke up before 6:00 on our 180 day mark to make restaurant reservations. Over the summer I booked cheap flights. As Disney changed some of their operations, I modified our reservations and shortened our dates and adapted to the new situation. Over the past few months I read almost daily reports about Disney's reopening guidelines and flight safety reports and attraction wait times and crowd status. While I talked myself into and out of our trip on an almost daily basis, I continued to move forward with getting matching shirts and masks, stocking up on travel sized cleaning supplies, collecting airplane activities for the kids, and researching trip itineraries to maximize our days at the parks. Our trip approached just as COVID cases across the country soared to new levels, hospitals started to become overloaded, and various states reinstituted lockdowns. On the day before we were scheduled to leave, my anxiety peaked and we finally made the determination to cancel our trip. At that moment, my anxiety that had been building was quelled while the sadness began to seep in.
I can't say that I knew we would cancel our trip. There were definite moments of certainty in our plans. However we never told the kids. Although I put in for the time off at work, I did not move forward with communicating with the school or cancelling any of the kids' lessons or even telling our neighbors about our plans. I made sure that we had flexible cancellation policies. I knew that cancelling was not only a possibility, but a probability. Although I am sad that we are home right now instead of soaking in the warmth and magic at Disney World, I also know that we made the right decision. My kids are giggling as they play together, unaware that there could have been another option. They got so excited when I stocked the pantry shelves with all the good vacation snacks I bought. They have school activities and Thanksgiving break to look forward to. And although what I really wanted was an escape from the heaviness of the current situation surrounding us, I also have had plenty of moments of escape while planning our trip over this past year. Although our Disney trip didn't happen, I found joy in the planning. I found joy in reading blog posts and articles. I found joy in mapping out our days in my mind. I found joy in planning the ultimate surprise for our kids. Maybe God knew that I couldn't have the full escape that I dreamed of, but I could have these small tastes to satisfy my longing. And with our trip officially cancelled, it opens up the door for me to do what I love to do...start planning our next one.
