When the kids were younger, I would sometimes look enviously at parents of teens or older kids. Older kids could stay home alone and make meals and help around the house and do things for themselves. In the midst of the needs of early childhood, that sounded freeing. And, in many ways, it is. I love that my kids can stay home alone. I love that my kids can help around the house or fend for themselves at mealtime or coordinate their social calendar. I love that they can take responsibility for their schoolwork and make (generally) good choices about what they eat. I love that we can have fun conversations and play strategic games and share interests.
The other side of that coin, however, is that parenting doesn't get easier. It's less physically tasking, but the mental load compounds as the kids are dividing their time more and making bigger decisions that have a greater impact on their future. Smart phones and friends and relationships and jobs and priorities and future plans carry a heavier weight of importance than the days when I generally got to choose who they played with and how they spent their time and when they slept and what they read.
Part of that weight comes with helping them manage their schedules and priorities. Managing our family schedule can sometimes feel like a full time job. Juggling multiple activities and drop offs and pick ups and sporting events and theater rehearsals and classes and church and social activities requires dividing and conquering, setting up carpools, recruiting grandparents, and often crossing paths with Zach as we rush from one thing to another. But there is also the reality of choices: Should Staley attend this rehearsal or that practice that are occurring at the same time? What takes precedence-the quiz off or the track meet? Is it better to miss your first hour class for this appointment or your last hour class? Is there any way to make it from one activity to another when they overlap slightly? How do we fit in family time and vacations around the schedule of activities? What is the priority? And who decides?
I'm often tired. And yes, there is the reality that I fill my days with work and volunteering and trying to keep up with household chores and laundry and groceries and errands and running. But I think, more often, my fatigue is the mental load that weighs me down. The parenting decisions. The conflicting priorities. The questions. Should Staley get a summer job or just enjoy a summer of free time since she has her whole life to work? Are the kids spending too much time on screens? What is too much? At what age do we let the kids determine their own bedtime? How do we teach our kids to own some of the household responsibilities without always having to be asked? Can we make both NTA and spring track season work? How about Dance Team and Penguin? How do we ensure gratitude and not entitlement? How do we teach money management? How do we balance allowing freedom and independence while still setting appropriate boundaries? The thoughts and decisions and questions and ponderings keep coming, and they hold more weight as the kids are approaching ages where the choices and decisions they are making now have a bigger impact on their futures.
I love our family. I love watching the kids grow and mature and become more independent. I feel blessed by the friends that my kids have chosen. I love seeing them embrace activities that bring them joy. I feel pride when I see them make responsible decisions or act in kindness or demonstrate generosity. But, at the same time, I feel the weight of my responsibility too. I want to help them find their path and make decisions they feel good about. I know they need to falter in order to learn, but I also want to help them learn from my mistakes so they can be better and do better. I want them to grow into independent, kind, generous, grateful, well-rounded, successful adults. And the mental load that comes with helping them navigate the now to get to their future can sometimes feel like a lot.
